Haaaaaaaay, Squirrel Friend!

Most weekends lately, I begin to panic on Sundays because nothing interesting has happened all week for me to write about. Encounters with people are rare, and even then most people are so cautious, barely offering eye contact much less conversation or absurd behavior. I know you all THINK I live the Glamorous Life ala Sheila E, but most of my life is not that notable. I am beginning to understand women who compulsively offer a list of their daily errands when asked, “How are you today?” At a certain point, maybe boring banter outweighs silence.

This past Sunday afternoon, we were outside celebrating Alex’s birthday when our little dog, Ollie, tore around to the side of the house. Nobody really thought anything of it. He’s curious and a little excitable sometimes.

SO CUTE, right?? But suddenly, we heard a little shriek, and then AUDREY tore around to the side of the house. “NO! Leave it!!” we heard her yell. Ollie had found a little playmate.

Ollie was being gentle, batting the little guy around, but our 11-pound pooch TOWERED over the startled baby squirrel as it screamed and ran in circles, not knowing how to escape. Audrey picked Ollie up and we all watched as the little squirrel eventually found some shelter in our rock wall.

Wiped out from so much excitement, soon the little guy fell asleep.

Or maybe it was murdered.

I checked on the little fella several times, watching breath move in and out of its tiny body. Audrey demonstrated impeccable hospitality by offering him some Kirkland “Extra Fancy” salted mixed nuts, an assortment of cashews, pecans, and almonds.

Several hours later, our little friend was gone. Ollie was disappointed, but all Fus were relieved not to have baby squirrel blood on our hands.

This morning when I let the dogs out, Ollie disappeared under our deck! Through the slats, I watched him move from one side to the other. SUDDENLY our little Squirrel Friend scampered out, followed by Ollie in hot pursuit! I held Ollie, and we both watched our house guest run around in circles for quite some time. It is definitely the same little squirrel.

When Audrey and I returned from the gym three hours later, he was still running in circles in the same place. I immediately Googled “why do squirrels spin in circles.” It was NOT good news.

I don’t actually think the baby squirrel had rabies. I remember a park ranger at Mt. St. Helens gently dumping a baby chipmunk from an office trash can, telling us that the little ones just don’t know any better yet.

Eventually, the little guy spun out and left. Hours later, I heard our neighbor run into her backyard and tell her dog, “NO! Leave it!” I peeked out the window and saw our little friend running tiny, little laps under the patio furniture next door.

We all laughed about Ollie’s Squirrel Friend. It sounds a little bit like Girlfriend! Adorbz, right? But here’s something else I learned. According to Urban Dictionary, “Squirrel Friend is a reference among drag queens to refer to other drag queens, especially those that hide their nuts.” You can hear Ru Paul eloquently explain this to Stephen Colbert around 5:40.

And with that new tidbit under my belt, I’m ready to tuck into another mellow week.

Wishing you all the perfect amount of excitement, my friends!

Thank you for reading!