Use Your Noodle

 

Chinese people can be so strange. I understand that My People used to eat a lot of things out of necessity and to prevent waste. I appreciate the diversity of food that that my parents exposed us to. Some of it was delicious. My grandma used to make POTS of stewed chicken gizzards and hearts that we ate with toothpicks.

 

Some of the foods were not so delicious like the durian my dad goes all crazy over. Durian is a fruit from Malaysia where my dad grew up. It is covered in these aggressive thorns and it smells like poop. No joke. If a durian falls from a tree and strikes you, I bet you would die. Way worse than a coconut.

 

When I was a kid, my dad told me this origin story of durian. “One day the king was walking through the forest and he had to poo, so he stopped to poo and buried it after he was done. The next day in that same place, a durian tree grew. That is why the durian smells like poop and is called “the king of fruits.” No idea if this is a real story or if my crazy dad just made it up.

 

 

I didn’t even understand that the food we ate was strange until second grade when kids would make fun of the beef tongue sandwich I brought for lunch. White bread, little smear of mayo, and slices of tender beef tongue. Way better than peanut butter and jelly.

 

I tried snake soup in Hong Kong. It sounds cliché, but it tasted like chicken except it had a stinky, wild taste. I didn’t love it. Also in Hong Kong, my grandma searched for tiger penis so she could make soup for my dad. We had to stop at several apothecaries and there was lots of sideways negotiating because selling tiger penis is illegal. And I don’t remember where we were when my brother and I gawked at snakes being slit and drained of their blood. The snake blood was collected in shot glasses and served to patrons with a shot of liquor.

 

I love trying new foods just for kicks even if they are so yucky like the Tropickles we had in Florida last summer. But I draw the line at poisonous things like fugu and corn noodles. What the WHAT? Corn noodles? Yeah, I never heard of them either until last week when nine people from Northeast China died from eating them. 

This 12-person family shared a breakfast of “suantangzi,” which is a soup with thick noodles made from fermented cornmeal. It was homemade and stored in the freezer for a year. The problem is that grain fermentation can produce a toxin called bongkrekic acid, which can’t be washed off and is temperature resistant, so the toxin continued to be produced and concentrated in the freezer.

Whenever you eat a fermented corn dish, you know there's going to be some toxin which produces a magical tingly sensation on your tongue. The problem is that you have no idea whether there's enough of the toxin to make that your last meal. There's currently no antidote for bongkrekic acid poisoning. Once poisoned, the fatality rate is 40-100%. THIS NOODLE SOUP MUST BE VERY DELICIOUS.

Nine of the family members fell ill several hours after consuming the soup noodles. Eight members died within six days, and the ninth member died after 14 days. The three kids in the family refused to eat the noodles because they didn't like the taste. Good for them for not just following along for traditions sake! But also sorry the whole rest of your family died, kids. Look at this picture from the China Daily News. What's even the point of the picture on the left?

I hope that we will have a new president by the end of this Tuesday Fus-day. If not, I might make a big pot of fermented corn noodle soup if you want to come over and share.

Take good care of yourselves, my friends! No matter what happens with this election, we will all still have opportunities to make this world a better place. Thank you for reading.