Chinese Food for Thought

 

Hey, you guys. Can I just talk to you a little bit about how strange Chinese people can be? I grew up in Southern California where there are a lot more Asians. Up here in Oregon, I have met several people who have never had dim sum.

One person admitted that he had never actually even spoken to a Chinese person before meeting me. That blows my mind since I have been speaking to Chinese people my whole life. I hope he wasn’t disappointed since I don’t consider myself exactly representative of the country or culture, but whatevs. I guess it was a good start. Baby steps, man.

Audrey was home for the weekend and wanted some good Chinese food, so we ordered from one of our favorite restaurants, Taste of Sichuan. Their spicy noodles will make you sweat and cry for the whole dinner hour, and the loads of fresh garlic will definitely have you farting yourself awake at least twice after you go to bed that night. SO GOOD.

We practically always order the same things every time: fried green beans, black bean fish, pallets of dumplings, sticky seafood noodles, onion pancakes, and eggplant with garlic sauce. Taste of Sichuan also has lots of wacky things on their menu like Pig Ears in Chili Oil, Dry Cooked Frog (as opposed to Wet Cooked Frog—yuck!), and Sour & Spicy Bean Jelly (not to be confused with Jelly Bean).

I have eaten frog before. I assume it was Wet Cooked, since I remember gravy. My mom offered it to me at a restaurant when I was a little kid.

Me: What is it?

Mom: Just eat it.

Me: What is it?

Mom: It’s good. Just try it.

Mom’s chopsticks were poised near my lips, so I opened my mouth and ate it.

Me: What is it?

Mom: Do you like it?

Me: What is it?

Mom: Tell me if you like it first.

Me: It’s ok. What is it?

Mom: It’s qingwa tui.

Me:

Dad: It’s frog legs.

Never wonder again why I have issues, my friends. Maybe you don’t think frog legs or pig ears or bean jelly is so weird. I think it’s weird that people go all crazy over a McRib. But wait’ll you see what Chinese McDonald's has cooked up now!

That is a Spam and Oreo burger. What the WHAT? Was something lost in translation when interpreting this recipe? Has everyone in China lost their sense of taste because of COVID??

Two extra-thick slices of Spam topped with crushed Oreos and garnished with smear of mayonnaise. It has been described as “tender and juicy, full of meatiness with a hit of sweet aftertaste that amounts to an unimaginable double surprise.”

Not everyone thought it was tasty though. Another reviewer said it was outright unpleasant: “It was sour and sweet and savory. I could taste the flavors of carsickness.”

It’s probably not worse than those killer noodles from Shanghai. I suppose you could wash it all down with a lettuce smoothie to get the taste out of your mouth.

Try it if it makes you happy! Thanks for reading!

Capitol Storm vs Warrior Dash

That fricken Capitol Storm. The more information I learn, the more confused I become.

WHAT.

THE.

WHAT.

My brain was aswirl and I didn’t know where to file all this information. These people must be nuts….but so many of them were lucid enough to make travel plans and arrive at a specific place on time, which is much more than lots of folks are capable of! People, you can't do things like this…but yet, I am looking at them with my eyes! Professionals, Olympic medalists, MOMS. How will I ever trust or admire again?

I craved explanations and guidance. The way I often cope with anxiety is through seeking information. I found some perspective from recent podcasts from a couple of my heroes. Jeremy Courtney from Preemptive Love helped me wrap my head around these unfamiliar perspectives and shined a light on a reparative direction through patience and defiant compassion. Brene Brown reinforced the importance of accountability while reminding me of the dangers dehumanization. We are all fallible and have made less-than-optimal decisions for which we must be held accountable with empathy. Jeremy’s Q and A is about 20 minutes, while Brene talks for about an hour. I encourage you to give them a listen and bet you will feel at least a little bit comforted and encouraged.

My family participated in the Warrior Dash a couple of times back in 2011 and 2014. Just follow me for a minute here. The Warrior Dash is a 5k obstacle run that is wholesome and fun. In 2011, Alex was in 6^th grade and JUST old enough to participate, so Albert and Alex ran the course while Chris, Audrey, and I cheered them on. Three years later, all the kids were old enough, so we did it again. We drove an hour into the boonies to North Plains, AKA The Middle of Nowhere. Guess why Warrior Dash came into my mind this week!

We got hats! This one is from our first dash. The ones from our second dash were red. There were times that we were totally out of control.

We were literally engulfed by the Scum of the Earth. OK, Brene Brown, I recognize this as dehumanizing language. It was a cheap joke.

You see that mud pit? It was filled with water and TOPSOIL. I learned this information as I waded from one end to the other. I asked the staff, “Why does this smell like poo? IS THIS POO WATER??” I was overcome with a horrified delight. Wood chips and grit were trapped in every secret crevice during that hour-long ride back home. We had SO MUCH FUN!

We dodged fire and fury, but no journalism equipment was involved.

There’s no real comparison between our Warrior Dash family bonding and the divisive shitshow that happened on January 6.

But this is how my mind protects me. When I encounter or experience things that are painful, sad, and horrible, I try to work things out. But before I become overwhelmed and despondent, my mind takes me elsewhere, usually to a funny place, causing me to laugh COMPLETELY INAPPRORIATELY in the midst of serious or distressing times. I’ve learned the importance of circling back to ponder on the hard things once I’ve taken a break so that I don’t tumble into utter avoidance.

Hard things have been happening and will continue to happen.

Take good care of yourselves, my friends, and we can work through the hard things together.

Thank you for reading!

Smooth Move, Take Two

My friend, Melissia, is athletic, confident, and open-hearted. She also gives great advice! So when she sent me a smoothie recipe out of the blue, I was eager to try it out.

She sent me this video of beautiful, talented Reese Witherspoon in her kitchen making a green smoothie. In the video, Reese tells us that she has been drinking this smoothie "every, single day for the past eight years." Know where she learned about this recipe? From beautiful, talented Kerry Washington while sitting next to her at an awards show. Reese complimented Kerry on her glowing skin, and Kerry attributed her luminous complexion to this green smoothie.

You can watch the video here. Reese swears that it keeps her from being hungry for hours. She’s such a darling.

But after watching the video, I was dubious. I love a good smoothie and appreciate that lots of nutrition and veggies can be hidden inside a good recipe, but take a look at Reese’s ingredient list.

A whole head of Romaine? Coconut water? But Reese assures us in her video, “It looks like it tastes gross, but it tastes SO GOOD!” This reminds me of an old joke.

Doctor: "You should eat more vegetables. It will put color in your cheeks."

Patient: "But who wants green cheeks?"

Chris watched the video with me and was even more suspicious. I told him I wouldn’t normally try this recipe, but Melissia recommended it. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to slurp down a whole head of lettuce on the daily? So I gathered the ingredients and gave it a try this past week.

Me: "….I bought ingredients for that smoothie with lettuce. I’ll let you know if it tastes terrible but Melissia said it is good."

Chris: "No shot it’ll taste good. I’m sorry to burst your bubble I can’t believe it."

Me: "LOL. So negative."

Chris: "Looks like something a fad diet vegan girl would eat. Not that it says anything about you."

 

Later that afternoon, I felt completely betrayed by my friend. That smoothie tasted SO TERRIBLE that I couldn’t even choke it down, and I was HUNGRY! It tasted like someone chewed up a Caesar salad and spit it into my mouth. Chris was not surprised, and I appreciated that he also didn’t shame me for my gullibility.

I should have known better. First of all, coconut water tastes like poison, so I will no longer fully trust any human who recommends this to me. Second, the recipe called for (optional) celery. Anyone claiming that celery tastes good in a drink is lying, and you should ask yourself whether you are talking to an Impractical Joker. Obvi this does not apply to a non-chewed celery garnish on a Bloody Mary.

I have admired Melissia’s taste and trusted her judgement for 15 years. Would a green smoothie sever this faithful friendship?? Time will tell. But for the time being, I vowed never to accept a dinner invitation to her home.

I followed up with Melissia a couple of days ago. HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME? I trusted you. Her response? “Oh, we didn’t use her recipe. We weren’t nearly that healthy. We just used fruit, PButter and soymilk.”

I’m sorry I lost confidence in you, Melissia. And I’m also glad that you are not a weirdo who drinks lettuce smoothies. At the end of Reese’s video, she takes a sip and says, “It’s so good. I love it so much.” Talk about Fake News. No wonder she makes such big bucks. She’s a phenomenal actor.

Only eat food that is delicious and makes you happy! Thank you for reading!

REH-so-lution Time, Come On!

 

I have only ever been successful meditating in the mornings before anyone else is awake. Once Fus start getting out of bed, my focus becomes tenuous at best. Being interrupted while deep in concentration elicits a physical response in me that feels like my core is being violently yanked out of my body. This is also why I can't read when my family is around. 

I've tried meditating in the evenings before bed, but that is consistently frustrating because I keep nodding off. A 20-minute meditation session feels like an hour and is neither relaxing nor enlightening. One a positive note, I am an excellent sleeper.

My meditation practice really benefits when my gym closes down, opening up a couple of hours consistently each morning. Thanks, COVID. A meditation teacher named Roger Gabriel is presenting a series called "Setting Your Vision for 2021." I am not wild about New Year's Resolutions and rarely make them. You know by now that I don't abide by many of society's silly rules, calendars being one of them. Promising lofty changes just because it's popular is setting yourself up for failure. I prefer to make resolutions on my own timeline. NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT DAY THE YEAR STARTS!

But Roger Gabriel presented a set of "resolutions" that could really be adopted on any day of the year, and I really liked them. I could set any of these aspirations for myself every morning of every day. Here's one I particularly liked:

"We all have triggers--people and things that set us off emotionally. Certain things always cause discomfort. Some things always bring happiness. Resolution: I will consciously maximize people and things that uplift me and minimize those that diminish me."

This small statement communicates so much!

• "We all have triggers." ALL of us. We might share some triggers, like picking up dog poop. DIMINISHING! Or perhaps something that makes me cry and sends me straight to bed might be your favorite activity, like going to the mall. Either way, WE'RE NOT ALONE in the understanding of how GREAT some things can be AND how YUCKY other things can feel.
  
  
• The first step is to PAY ATTENTION and notice the people and things that set us off emotionally. Only after these triggers are acknowledged do we have the ability to make any changes to minimize or maximize them.
  
  
• The goal is balance. There's no avoiding people and things that drain us, but we CAN minimize these diminishing experiences while maximizing those that uplift us. WE HAVE CHOICES.

It's always better to have control of your choices rather than ceding that power to another. There is a man from Shanghai named Chen who was so reluctant to take charge of his choices that he concocted a roundabout approach to minimize something that was apparently diminishing him.

One afternoon, Chen walked into a dance studio and stole a Bluetooth speaker worth 17,000 renmenbi, which is about $278. He was quickly apprehended by the Shanghai Police.

When questioned by the police, Chen told them that he was scheduled to get married in three days. "My girlfriend wants to marry me, but I don't want to marry her. I knew I would be caught." He asked not to be let off the hook hoping that his girlfriend would learn about his arrest and refuse to marry a thief.

Chen had cold feet for some time and wanted to walk away from his girlfriend, but he was "so angry" that he decided to get himself arrested to avoid talking to her.

OK, so dude has some issues and would benefit from getting in touch with some self-worth, setting some boundaries, and learning to state his needs without getting the police involved. To Chen's credit, he knew that his scheme would not cost the owner of the dance studio too much money and would also achieve his goal. So thoughtful.

For 2021, I hope that you will maximize people and things that uplift you and minimize those that diminish you. Preferably without getting tossed in the slammer.

Happy New Year, my friends! DON'T BE A ROBBER.

Thank you for reading!