MYOB

 

“What other people think of you is none of your business.” At 52 years old, I think this is finally starting to sink in. My first inkling that this was a problem was the year Albert and I got married in 1992. Interactions with or around my Mother-in-Law thrust me into fits of anxiety and distress. There was a LOT of crying.

A counsellor asked why her opinion of me was so important. I didn’t understand the question. DUH! Isn’t it important what my MFIL thinks of me? It matters what EVERYBODY thinks of me!

Dr. Peltier was visibly surprised. “So if someone walking out there on the street told you they didn’t like your outfit, that would bother you?”

Now it was my turn to be surprised. “Well, yeah. Wouldn’t it bother you?”

“Nope.”

That interaction 28 years ago is still so vivid, and it’s been a process to shed the habit of worrying about what others think of me. I have arrived to a point of being intrigued rather than excited or distressed by others’ opinions of me when they are shared.

A woman I’d known for some time shared her enthusiasm for documentaries. She explained that her interest stemmed from her filmmaking experience. She graduated from the USC Film School. You, me, and Aunt Becky's daughters! “Oh! I went to USC, too!”

 

She: USC? The University of Southern California? You went there?

Me: Yeah….

She: I’m just so surprised.

Me:

She: It’s just that you’re so pretty, and people who are so attractive are usually not that accomplished.

Another lady I had known for years told me about a mission trip she took to Kenya. She described the “unbelievable” living conditions, no running water or electricity, dirt floors. I shared with her that these were the conditions my dad grew up in. He worked on a rubber tree plantation had a pet gibbon. He had friends who were headhunters...and I'm not talking about corporate recruiters. “I did not know that about you.”

Recently, a friend  started sharing her views about sexuality and the importance of sexual purity, as well her support for strict laws against drug possession. I expect these conversations to scale up as Election Day draws near. I have committed to opening myself up to more opinions that don’t match my own, especially if they are from people who are friends I love and admire. BUT THIS IS HARD.

Several weeks ago, I started a “Compassionate Warrior Boot Camp” to learn to lean into conversations that may invoke conflict, so this may be good practice. But here’s what I’m afraid of: if she learns about the real me, will she still want to be my friend?

As a model to my kids, I strive to be authentic. Why would I ever want my kids to be anything other than the perfect creations of God that they are? If I were my own kid, I would tell me that it’s more painful to hide your True Self than to lose a friend. And if she doesn’t like your True Self after you’ve expressed your differences with care, she’s probably not a good friend anyway. Besides, what she thinks of you is none of your business.

Thanks, Me, I think that's good advice.

Thank YOU for reading, friends!

I think you are wonderful just the way you are.
(Not that that’s any of your business!)