My Biscuits are Burnin'

 

“The baby is sleeping so nicely.” This is a remark made by dreamy-eyed, dum-dum noob parents. It only takes one or maybe two times to learn that this comment immediately causes the baby to wake up cry at a minimum. Even more often, the makers of this foolhardy statement are treated to some form of poop or barf to top off the recent elimination of peace and quiet.

A couple of weeks ago, I panicked because COVID Life in Dullsville gave me nothing to write about. That, my friends, is called ASKING FOR IT.

These crappy things happened over the past week:

😣 We lost power and part of a tree in our front yard as East Winds whipped through the Pacific Northwest.

😣 The Riverside Fire was started by “human cause.” This infuriates me. 2020 has already been such a shitshow already and you gotta go starting fires?? Our home was in a Level 1 Evacuation Zone for most of this week.

😣 Audrey had been planning to move out of her apartment in Eugene for weeks. Moving always sucks, but the fires further complicated an already complicated task.

😣 My little dog, Ollie, was really, really sick for days but perked up immediately before his appointment with the vet. She could find nothing wrong, but Ollie started crying again as soon as we got him back home.

😣 My dear friend’s breast and lymph node scan came back “abnormal.” Dammit.

😣 Our router broke. Bye bye, WiFi. A new router isn’t available until Wednesday.

THIS WEEK SURE WAS A LOT. But here’s what also happened.

😁 The electricity went out on Monday about 10 minutes after we had just finished dinner and a movie: “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey,” where Bill and Ted die and go to hell and have to do infinity push-ups. It was so silly. Lights went out, so we went to bed. No bigs.

😁 Without power, Chris learned how to make pour-over coffee.

😁 The power came back Tuesday night shortly before dinner, a full 30 hours earlier than anticipated.

😁 That big branch fell so that it blocked the road but JUST MISSED the neighbor’s car parked across the street. Chris knew how to use a chainsaw to chop up that big branch so we didn't have to call any expensive branch-choppers.

😁 We never progressed past Level 1 Evacuation (“Be alert”). Growing up in Southern California prepared me well so that I didn’t feel panic, allowing my family to remain calm. The anxiety and worry of others brought out expressions of compassion in my kids.

😁 Despite the fire and logistic complications, Audrey successfully moved out of her house like a boss, with the help of some wonderful friends.

😍 Speaking of wonderful friends, my college buddy, Eleni, dug up some old pics of Albert and me when we were probably 19 and 21. Albert used to drive eight hours from Los Angeles to come visit me in Northern California for a weekend in his lime green Pinto that had no air conditioner. Check out those hairdos, my snazzy white-on-white Swatch watch, and Eleni’s state-of-the-art Macintosh computer!

Seeing these pictures reminded me of how giddy in love we were way back then. I feel so lucky that we have grown together over these past THIRTY-THREE years……can it be?? We were completely different people when we started dating, and we could just as well have grown in opposite directions. To still be so secure and content with the same person over so many years seems practically impossible and pretty darned lucky.

My girlfriend, Eleni, and I used to prepare fancy baked goods. I’m certain that these were all her idea, because I have the urge to bake zero things now. I can’t imagine where we got these recipes way back then, since there was no Internet. Did we have a cookbook? At college? Check out this cake we made in the shape of our boarding house. It was chocolate with buttercream frosting.

Eleni is a famous singer-songwriter now with her own Wikipedia page and everything! We used to play this game when I hung out in her room. She would say, “Tell me something to sing about!” and I would say whatever I was thinking about. “Sing a song about the circus that we went to and the clown that threw pies in his own face!” And then she would play her guitar and make up a clever song right there on the spot. I have no idea how these wonderful people make their way into my life, but I sure do feel grateful.

I love you, friends! Thank you for reading!