Need to Know Basis

 

Audrey was home last weekend and told me that she needed some new socks. So happens that my workout shoes had been feeling a little squishy lately, too, and I had been putting off getting new ones. I’m easily overwhelmed by too many choices, so I’m not a big fan of shopping. Shop till you drop? That happens to me within about five minutes of entering any store.

But my weekend was not too packed, and Audrey’s sock shortage was good motivation to send me to the shoe store. Road Runner Sports has been my go-to for sneakers for over a decade. The staff is knowledgeable enough to listen to my needs and bring me three or four suitable choices to pick from. It’s probably a little more expensive, but it’s not like I’m exactly blowing through running shoes more than once a year.

Recently, sneaker shopping has been a breeze because I LOVE my sneakers, so I simply ask the salesperson for the most recent version of the same shoe. I can try it on and be out of the store within 20 minutes, which was what I was expecting last weekend.

Running Shoe Lady: “What brings you in today?”

She was bright and chipper. I was appreciative that there was not a long wait as there sometimes is on a weekend.

Me: “I need some new shoes.”

RSL: “OK! I can help you with that! What are you looking for?”

I looked down to my shoe and turned it sideways so she could get a good look.

Me: “I really love these.”

RSL: “OK, great! I just need to know what kind of shoe that is.”

This was already getting unusual, because the staff typically know at a glance exactly what I’m looking for by now. I looked at her name tag. Was I in the right store?

Her name was Torie I think. Or maybe Talie or Trixie. But she had a Road Runner name tag so I was assured that I hadn’t walked into Ulta by mistake. Perhaps Torie needed to know the exact model? I turned back to my shoe and rotated my ankle so she could see the “FreshFoam” printed on the other side.

A few seconds passed before I moved my glance back up from my shoe. My questioning eyes met her smiling confusion.

Something was amiss, but I couldn’t figure out what was happening. Fortunately, Torie offered clarity to this baffling situation.

Torie: “I just need to know what KIND of shoe that is. Like….is it Nike?…..Or?”

OHHHHH…..I get it now!

YOU GUYS.

LOOK AT MY SHOE.

YOU TELL ME IF IT IS, LIKE, NIKE…..OR?

That’s the choppiest, busted up swoosh I ever did see!

I felt like I was getting Punk’d. Like the Impractical Jokers were going to pop out from behind the wall at any moment. This would be like walking into McDonald’s and slapping a Quarter Pounder wrapper on the counter.

Me: *slap* “Hit me up with another, Bruh!”

McHuman: "Welcome to McDonalds! Would you like to try an All Day Breakfast?"

Me: "I really enjoyed this. But I don't want any of those weird little onion bits."

McHuman: "I can Mchelp you with that! I just need to know what KIND of food you want. Is it, like, a smoothie.....or?"

It was pretty clear to me that Torie didn’t have the capacity to meet my needs. So I met this young lady’s smiling, blank-eyed gaze and pivoted, “Ummm…..I think I’m just going to pick up some socks today.”

She met me at the cash register and reiterated JUST ONCE MORE so that I was crystal clear about how clueless she was, “Yeah, I would just need to know what KIND of shoe that was if you want me to help you.”

OK, Torie. Poor girl is just a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

I hope you get all your needs met this week. Just Do It.

Thank you for reading!