Dolla Dolla Make You Holla

I’ve got The Crabbies. Not to be confused with The Crabs. Yuck. So Sixties! I’m talking about The Crabbies, The Grumpies, feeling Torqued, GETTING’ AGGRO, BRUH.

It’s pretty hard to get me down or rile me up, so I know this is serious, friends! People are growing weary and there seems to be this heavy blanket of negativity around the resurgence of COVID as well as this broader awareness of racism. I avoid the news and try to inject doses of joy wherever I go, but it’s been draining.

The angst usually crests around 5pm. Cooking has never been much fun for me. I’ve made peace with this chore, even though I have to talk myself into it almost every time.

Me: Come on. It’s time to get dinner started.

Also Me:

It’s a thankless job that I would mostly avoid if I had my druthers. Food is simple when I’m on my own: oatmeal, smoothie, occasional apple with peanut butter, repeat. Other Fus are more complicated, but I feel proud that I’ve gotten pretty adept at serving my family nutritious meals over the years. I’ve come a long way from the inedible combinations that Albert was subjected to when we were first married.

These days there is a 95% chance that the food will be delicious, AND ALSO a 90% chance that at least one Fu will not be happy with the fare, which makes the task thankless and stressful. It’s often helpful to bribe myself with a glass of wine.

The kids used to reliably clean up after dinner, but something happened around age 17 when they just lost their flippin’ minds. It eventually became easier for Albert and me to clean up the kitchen ourselves than to face daily angry outbursts or lengthy bouts of whining and snuffing at the end of each evening. Lazy parenting, I recognize this. I respect your decisions; you respect mine. We all gotta do what we gotta do.

All I’m saying is that, if I found that the dishwasher got emptied, my first thought would be that a robber probably broke into our house and stole all our clean dishes. Not that another family member had been kind enough to put clean dishes away. That would be preposterous.

It is comforting that I know FOR SURE that they know HOW to clean up after themselves. Rumor is that they do this in other people’s homes. They are doing a great job of Soiling the Nest so my heart won’t break into a million pieces when they don’t live in my house any more. Thanks, guys.

This boring dinner chore eased up quite a lot after our nest began to empty. By the time just Audrey was at home, dinners got pretty simple. Then when our nest cleared out in 2018, cooking became much less of a burden. Cooking for two is way less complicated than cooking for five, plus Albert and I could go out to eat one or two times a week without spending a hundred bucks a night.

That ease lasted for about a year. I’m back to cooking for four every night. Thanks, COVID. Little did I know that my last meal out on March 12, 2020 would be a six-dollar tofu banh mi (with extra cilantro--it's practically a side salad!) at Pho Lavang. It ripped up the roof of my mouth and dripped garlicky sauce from my fingertips to my elbows. Delicious! But I would definitely have indulged in a Thai iced tea if I had known it would be my last meal out for the year!!

Restaurants are beginning to open back up in Oregon, but I’m holding off for a while. Eating out is generally a treat for our family. Of course, there were occasional dinner emergencies, but we don’t go out to eat JUST because we don’t feel like cooking at home. When we invest energy and expense to eat out, it is for enjoyment, and I just don’t feel like I could really relax and delight in a meal WHILE ALSO WORRYING about getting sick….and/or getting other people sick…at the same time.

I did venture out with a friend this week for coffee. The sun FINALLY came out for a couple of days, and we sat outside with our icy refreshments. We were approached by a young man about 10 years old. He rode up on his bike and confidently asked whether we would give him a dollar if he showed us a magic trick.

I was disappointed, because I had ZERO cash on me! Fortunately, my friend is much more prepared and organized, because we were treated to this adorableness for just a small fee.

What was so delightful about this experience? The sunshine? The friendship? The coffee? The surprise? The enterprise of this charming little man? Maybe it reminded me of a time when my kids still wanted to share things with me and when I had still had something to offer them that they found to be valuable. I think that age between about 8 and 10 years old is my favorite so far. Sweet and uncomplicated.

Turns out my friend DIDN’T have a dollar in her purse. She only had a five. When she offered it to the young man, he immediately balked but ended up accepting it graciously with a big, cheeky grin. This little encounter has been making me smile all week.

I’m working really hard this week on a cure for The Crabbies. Paying attention to positive experiences like coffee and a magic show with a dear friend is a biggie. Passing up on negativity has helped a lot as well. I have been thinking about this TED Talk by one of my favorite comedians, Michael Junior. The whole 20-minute talk is super enjoyable, but he starts talking about a shift in mindset around 14:00 from “getting a laugh” to “giving a laugh,” which shifts his task from “working” to “generous giving.” Nothing really changes except the attitude.

This is the job I’ve given myself this week. Oh, wait. Let me rephrase that! This is WHAT I WANT TO DO this week. I want to consider dinner as less of a chore and more of an offering of nourishment and gratification to my family. While appreciation would be a nice bonus, I offer this gift with no strings attached.

Good grief. I’m kind of exhausted just considering this. It’s going to require some effort. And maybe some magic. And maybe also a glass of wine. Wish me luck, friends!!

Do you set goals for yourself? Big ones? Small ones? How do you set yourself up for success? Send me your best tips!!

 Wishing you a successful week, friends!

Thank you for reading!