Whatcha Gonna Do?

There’s so much anger in the air these days. Black Lives Matter. Mask regulations. School schedules in the fall. Inequitable impacts of COVID. All of these on top of regular conniption-inducing occurrences like traffic jams, dog barf, and teenagers. At least we are no longer subjected to Costco Sample Snackers blocking the aisles for the time being. God loves me and knows that THERE’S ONLY SO MUCH A WOMAN CAN TOLERATE.

I am generally uncomfortable with anger and tend to freeze up when it’s in my vicinity, but I’m learning how bear it without condoning or falling victim to it. A lot of the work I did when Alex was very sick helped me to confront my anger, process it, and then express it in more helpful and healthy ways.

Patience is kind of my superpower, but while I appeared calm on the outside, I was previously swallowing my anger or avoiding confrontation, which isn’t effective at all. I’m very good at flipping scary emotions like anger or sadness and finding a silver lining. Brene Brown taught me that, while this can be a very useful skill, it’s also important to sit in those uncomfortable feelings before moving on too quickly. This builds empathy and prevents those negative emotions from building up and biting us in the butts when we least expect it.

Plus, it can be super annoying to be with someone who’s chipper all the time. Remember that episode of Friends where Alec Baldwin was Phoebe’s new boyfriend? He was so enthusiastic about everything, gushing gratitude and positivity all the time. It was fun for a while before it became exhausting. Phoebe tells him, “Everything isn’t perfect! Everything isn’t magical! You don’t have to put a good spin on everything. You are like Santa Claus on Prozac! At Disneyland! Getting laid!” Here’s a five-minute clip that is a worthy time investment. Even if you “don’t like Friends.” *whatever*

These COVID days, I’m challenging myself to sit with the anger, fear, despair, and confusion that abounds. I’m bewildered by the protests in our beautiful city. While I understand the drive to “do something” and may be completely mistaken, I’m not convinced that these protests will lead to progress. One set of emotional humans is confronting another set of emotional humans. At a certain point, people won’t back down just based on principal. This I know from parenting teenagers. Someone has to be the adult.

Of course, I respect the choices of others while choosing different options for myself. Radical Gratitude leads me to abundant opportunities to do good right now. I also believe firmly that bunches of blessings will arise from these ashes.

In The Book of Awakening, I learned of a Tibetan Buddhist meditative practice called tong-len, which means giving and taking or sending and receiving. This practice acknowledges the presence of a certain indestructible element in each one of us; Christians would call this the Holy Spirit. This miraculous element allows us to take in and feel the pain and grief of others without becoming that pain and grief. I truly believe that we can help to transform pain and heal the world if we are willing to open our hearts.

There are three simple steps to this practice:

·  Inhale and breathe in suffering. I like to think of people close to my heart and particular challenges they are facing, then move on to more collective concerns.

·  Hold the suffering for a moment in that unbreakable place of perfect compassion and love.

·  Exhale and breathe light and joy back into the world.

I have committed to this one-minute practice six times a day: when I wake up, every three hours during the day, and before I go to bed. Will you join me in this empowering practice of tong-len?

Thank you for reading, my friends!