How to Win Friends and InFUence People

 

There are so many people in this world, in a community. What is that switch that turns some of these folks into friends? Sometimes it’s a common project, like kids’ sports or volunteer jobs with the PTA. Sometimes it’s just happening to be around to support each other through hard times like a divorce, the death of a spouse, or some really tough shit that our kids go through these days. Sometimes it’s shared underwear.

I probably met my friend, Christy, shortly after we moved to Oregon in 2004. She’s an exercise instructor at my gym, so I have probably seen her at least once a week for the past 17 years. She’s super friendly but I never really talked to her until 2016 when she forgot her bra.

The women’s locker room is such an interesting place. I have written about some odd encounters and aggressive nakedness. I have also written about the time I was almost farted to death in the sauna. But there is a reassuring vibe of sisterhood when a bunch of women regularly get ready in the same space. There’s always someone to save you when you forget to bring hair gel or if your necklace gets impossibly tangled in your hair. The day I became friends with Christy, I heard her frustrated voice say to nobody in particular, “I forgot my bra.”

I HAVE BEEN THERE, Sister! I have been there so often, in fact, that I keep a spare set of underpants, a bra, and a pair of socks in my gym bag at all times. I hesitated for just a moment before saying, “I have an extra bra if you want to use it.”

That’s so super creepy, isn’t it?? I immediately felt like a giant weirdo and regretted it. But I felt so uncomfortable that I couldn’t stop talking, and I also wanted to do a good deed for someone who brings so much joy to my days when she leads me in fitness classes.

Christy is so nice and didn’t shut me down right away, so I kept talking.

Me: "You’re welcome to use it. I keep an extra Handful bra in my bag because I’m always afraid of forgetting my bra."

She: "Oh, it’s OK. I’ll just go buy one from the Pro Shop."

Me: "That’s exactly what I did, but I bought a medium and it’s too big, so I keep it in my bag. I’ve only worn it once. It’s my Emergency Bra. It’s totally OK if you don’t want to use it."

She: "That is actually perfect. I can buy it off you."

Me: "If you want. Whatever. It’s silly for you to buy a bra that you don’t need."

And that is what I consider the beginning of our friendship. This was kind of at the beginning of a really hard time with Alex. He had just squeaked through high school and was struggling to find his way. Our family life was full of daily uncertainty and a lot of sadness and fear. My time at the gym was a reliable hour of respite. Christy was an empathetic listener, offering prayers that were surprisingly so comforting.

She retuned my clean bra some time later along with a prayer journal, a little book called “Jesus Calling” with short passages that seem to offer me magical encouragement or inspiration just when I need it. Christy and I are different in so many ways, but I will always be grateful to her for enriching my prayer life and always offering me her honest perspective.

Christy thanked me profusely as I handed over my spare underwear. We both acknowledged how it feels a little weird to wear someone else’s underwear, but I think we both decided that it’s just a bra. I assured her that I probably wouldn’t have volunteered my Emergency Underpants if she found herself in that kind of trouble.

But get this. Albert has been in Alaska for his Navy Reserve training all week. He has been telling me about sketchy weather and regular delays in flying into and out of remote villages in Osprey helicopters. His team has been stranded in his current location for two extra days, but there is another doctor who arrived last week who has been stranded there for even longer. This morning they were served grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast because food supplies can’t be delivered either. They’re running out of stuff. And this doctor who arrived last week…..ran out of underpants.

It seems like the doc could have washed his undies by hand, but I think the weather delays were so unpredictable that they thought for sure they’d be out of there by now. Albert told me that the doctor seemed so uncomfortable that Albert offered up his own underpants. Albert is super squeamish about things like this, so it surprised me that he volunteered his skivvies. But what surprised me more is that THE OTHER GUY ACCEPTED THEM.

Is he going to give them back or just keep them? If he gives them back, will Albert ever wear them again? Albert told me he didn’t know the answers to any of my questions. “We didn’t talk about it.”

But Albert told me, “He’s a good guy.” Well, he must be if you loaned him your underpants, Mister. And now you’re going to be friends forever. Because after you’ve worn someone else’s underwear, you are bound to be special friends for life.

Here’s to you, all my special friends! Thank you for reading!