I'm Touched

 

It has come to my attention that someone has been watching me at the gym. I know what you’re thinking. “Tell us something we don’t know, Lisa Fu!”

Yes, I know that people look at me for lots of reasons especially at the gym. There just aren’t that many Asians around here, so I stand out.

And my Asian-ness isn’t the only outstanding aspect of the way I look. I get lots of comments about my legs, mostly from dudes asking me how I got them so big. My legs are OG big. Like big before Serena Williams made Big Legs cool.

Albert took me to Vegas in 2002 for our 10-year wedding anniversary where we tried indoor rock climbing for the first time. When Albert showed this picture to his parents, his mom asked: “Who is this? That’s LISA??”

 

I thought that she was impressed to see me doing something kind of dangerous and exciting. But DUH. This is my MFIL we’re talking about. She immediately followed up with, “I thought that was a man. So big.” Ugh. Whatever. She was clearly not ready for this jelly.

But I have come to love my legs. They are strong have gifted me with the ability to experience lots of places to do lots of things. And they look great on my boy, too. Look at this picture from September 2019 when Albert, Chris, and I visited the Rodin Museum in Philly. Those meaty thighs though, amiright?? Crooked knees, too. Sorrynotsorry, Son.

A couple of months after this picture was taken, we would start hearing about a mysterious virus in China that was killing people. Then a few months later, universities sent students home for almost a whole year. It seems like a million years ago.

The gym locker room is the only place I get naked in front of more than one person at a time these days. And this is where the stalking and groping happened. BY AN ELDERLY WOMAN.

I was approached the First Time about a month ago while I was finishing up in front of the mirrors. I stay hot after showering, so I usually finish getting ready wearing everything except my shirt. Everything else is in place: pants, shoes, sports bra. Nothing out of the ordinary and, frankly, more clothes than lots of young women these days working out. Or going shopping.

The Approacher is one of the older women who attend the morning aquarobics classes. I think it’s cool that these ladies still get up every morning to exercise and socialize. I hear them chatter about their families and their travels, their aches and their surgeries. I marvel at the way they wrangle into swimsuits and march to the outdoor pool even when it’s 40 degrees outside. I asked one of them how they can stand the cold, and this woman with a German accent said, “Oooooh, the pool iss very varm! It’s like getting into zee BAHTH!”

That wasn’t the woman who was creeping on me. It was a different woman who offered a compliment. “That’s a really cute bra!”

It’s not unusual for women to have discussions about fitness equipment. Finding a comfortable, effective workout bra that doesn’t cost a million dollars can be challenging. And one that looks pretty cute? Score!

Me: “It’s a Handful bra.”

Stalking Woman: “It’s looks really good on you!”

Me: “Thanks!”

SW: “And look at your flat tummy! How’d you get your tummy so flat?”

Uhhhh….is this getting weird? Or is my vivid imagination running amok?

Me: “Oh, I’m just lucky. My tummy is always flat.” 

That’s truth. My tummy is as flat as it was when I was, like, 10 years old. The only difference is that now it proudly bears stretch marks and wrinkly skin and a caved in bellybutton. It has been a joy to have this strong core to hold in all my guts.

Wait a minute, did this woman just look me up and down? I felt alarmed and confused. Before I knew it, this woman reached out and patted my belly with her hand like a bongo drum. *pat pat pat* “You look great! I wish I looked as good as you!”

It makes me feel sad when people, especially women, criticize their own bodies. You’re alive and breathing in your 70s. You’re at this fancy gym about to go to an aquarobics class. Yay, you! So before I could process the fact that I had just been objectified and groped, my Automatic Encourager said, “Oh, you look just great.”

After she walked away, my brain made a note to self. That felt weird. I can probably count on one hand the number of people who have touched my belly. Well, OK, I’ve had three children, so maybe two hands. But you get the idea. It was an unsettling experience.

The Second Time occurred the very next week at the mirrors once again. But this time, I was almost ready to walk out with ALL my clothes on. The woman approached very quickly, telling me how much she admired my sweatshirt and asking where I got it.

I got it at Costco where I get most of my clothes now. My work-from-home uniform is leggings and a sweatshirt. Comfy, cost-effective, and I can pick up a churro on my way out.

SW: “Lemme see what it says on the front!” she says while grasping the bottom front of my sweatshirt and pulling so that my body turns to face her.

Me: "Umm..it just says Under Armour.”

SW: “Oh, it’s so cute. I really like it.”

Mmmkay, Creeper. There is nothing remarkable about the sweatshirt, and that was too aggressive for my taste. I just backed away and left. Congratulations, you have officially been placed on Lurk Alert.

You won’t believe that another incident happened the following week! I didn’t even see her coming. I was unlocking my locker and I felt hands on my hip.

“Excuse me, I just want to squeeze behind you.”

It was over before I even registered it, but Oh. Em. Gee! I felt totally assaulted. When I told Audrey what happened, she was alarmed and asked, “Why do you keep putting yourself in situations where she can touch you?”

Umm, Girlfriend, NO.

In Audrey’s defense, Albert asked me the exact same question when I told him the story. We all had a chat about victim blaming.

I avoid eye contact and proximity to this woman. She makes me feel so uncomfortable. I am adept at asserting boundaries with men who behave like this. It's not hard to avoid men in the women's locker room. I hesitate with this woman. I worry about being respectful to elders and about people at the gym thinking I’m not nice.

But fuck all that. This woman has repeatedly disrespected my boundaries and has no right to creep on me! Look at me, all tough and confident in front of my computer screen. I’ll let you know how it goes, Friends.

WWJD?

What would Jason Momoa do?

Thank you for reading!