The polite American response is, “I’m fine, thank you,” since it’s assumed that the asker actually DGAF about how you’re doing. I think this is a waste of words and time, but I play along because I am not a barbarian.
Sometimes the cashiers are so distracted that they forget that they already asked me how I am 15 seconds ago. The convo goes like this:
Distracted Cashier: “So how’s your day going?”
Me: “Fine, thank you.”*beep Oat Milk $4.99**beep Bananas $2.49*DC: “So how’s your day going?”
What I WANT to say is: “Still fine, Smart Stuff! Just as fine as it was 15 seconds ago when you asked me the first time.”
But what I actually say is: “Fine, thank you.” Because I am not a barbarian.
Similarly, cashiers are instructed to ask, “Did you find everything you were looking for?” I think this question is so dumb and puts me in a troublesome predicament when I, in fact, do NOT get all my wishes granted at Target. Wouldn’t it be so silly for me to get all the way to the last step of shopping BEFORE exhausting every option to find everything on my list?
Why you gotta dredge up my disappointment and frustration all over again, Tammy?? No, I could NOT find the Blistex Lip Medex and my dry lips do not feel like discussing this any further!
So I always lie and tell the cashier that I found everything just fine. I hate that question.
As the woman was leaving, the young man bagging her groceries asked, “Can I give you a hug?” The storyteller goes on to describe the comforting, healing hug she received with gratitude. She felt seen and listened to and uplifted by this stranger. She says that she thinks of this young man often and remembers him as a warm, empathetic person who made such a big difference for her that day.
Some of the stories in the podcast are much more dramatic, but most tell of small gestures that made a really big impact on the life of a stranger. The thought that comes to my mind when I listen to most of these stories is, “I can do that.” Most of these offerings are well within my capacity and are small enough that it wouldn’t matter to me at all if they’re not appreciated or acknowledged.
One of the most remarkable parts of these stories is that none of the givers seem to be expecting appreciation or acknowledgement, and I wonder if that’s the element of these stories that touches me so deeply. Giving with the expectation of appreciation or acknowledgement is manipulative. Is it rude for someone to walk through a door I’m holding open for them without acknowledging or thanking me? Maybe. But did I offer that gesture because I was fishing for gratitude? I hope not.
I kind of get a kick out of doing nice things for others in sneaky way, not sticking around to see the reaction. This past weekend, Albert, Audrey, and I were in the Alphabet District in Downtown Portland. There were about a half dozen naked people dancing alongside the road and throwing colored powder on each other. There didn’t seem to be any Official Naked Event, and we all wondered what was happening. Albert expressed a great deal of concern for the diners in the restaurants nearby.
One of the naked women crossed over to our side of the street to take a picture of her naked friends. So I asked, “Do you want me to take the picture for you so you can get in it?” She was totally delighted and asked if I could please include the sign behind them. I took several pictures, including the sign, and also some close up before returning the phone to her.
I didn’t stick around to see where she kept her phone since she clearly didn’t have any pockets. I would say that qualified as “everyday kindness and courage.” It takes a lot for an introvert like me to approach a naked stranger.
Will today be the day that you pleasantly surprise a naked stranger?
Thanks for reading!
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