Smooth Move, Take Two

My friend, Melissia, is athletic, confident, and open-hearted. She also gives great advice! So when she sent me a smoothie recipe out of the blue, I was eager to try it out.

She sent me this video of beautiful, talented Reese Witherspoon in her kitchen making a green smoothie. In the video, Reese tells us that she has been drinking this smoothie "every, single day for the past eight years." Know where she learned about this recipe? From beautiful, talented Kerry Washington while sitting next to her at an awards show. Reese complimented Kerry on her glowing skin, and Kerry attributed her luminous complexion to this green smoothie.

You can watch the video here. Reese swears that it keeps her from being hungry for hours. She’s such a darling.

But after watching the video, I was dubious. I love a good smoothie and appreciate that lots of nutrition and veggies can be hidden inside a good recipe, but take a look at Reese’s ingredient list.

A whole head of Romaine? Coconut water? But Reese assures us in her video, “It looks like it tastes gross, but it tastes SO GOOD!” This reminds me of an old joke.

Doctor: "You should eat more vegetables. It will put color in your cheeks."

Patient: "But who wants green cheeks?"

Chris watched the video with me and was even more suspicious. I told him I wouldn’t normally try this recipe, but Melissia recommended it. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to slurp down a whole head of lettuce on the daily? So I gathered the ingredients and gave it a try this past week.

Me: "….I bought ingredients for that smoothie with lettuce. I’ll let you know if it tastes terrible but Melissia said it is good."

Chris: "No shot it’ll taste good. I’m sorry to burst your bubble I can’t believe it."

Me: "LOL. So negative."

Chris: "Looks like something a fad diet vegan girl would eat. Not that it says anything about you."

 

Later that afternoon, I felt completely betrayed by my friend. That smoothie tasted SO TERRIBLE that I couldn’t even choke it down, and I was HUNGRY! It tasted like someone chewed up a Caesar salad and spit it into my mouth. Chris was not surprised, and I appreciated that he also didn’t shame me for my gullibility.

I should have known better. First of all, coconut water tastes like poison, so I will no longer fully trust any human who recommends this to me. Second, the recipe called for (optional) celery. Anyone claiming that celery tastes good in a drink is lying, and you should ask yourself whether you are talking to an Impractical Joker. Obvi this does not apply to a non-chewed celery garnish on a Bloody Mary.

I have admired Melissia’s taste and trusted her judgement for 15 years. Would a green smoothie sever this faithful friendship?? Time will tell. But for the time being, I vowed never to accept a dinner invitation to her home.

I followed up with Melissia a couple of days ago. HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME? I trusted you. Her response? “Oh, we didn’t use her recipe. We weren’t nearly that healthy. We just used fruit, PButter and soymilk.”

I’m sorry I lost confidence in you, Melissia. And I’m also glad that you are not a weirdo who drinks lettuce smoothies. At the end of Reese’s video, she takes a sip and says, “It’s so good. I love it so much.” Talk about Fake News. No wonder she makes such big bucks. She’s a phenomenal actor.

Only eat food that is delicious and makes you happy! Thank you for reading!