The Agony of DeFeet

 

Daylight Savings Time always throws me for a loop. I feel disoriented no matter whether I’m Springing Forward or Falling Back. I can’t tell whether I’m coming or going.

However, I’m clearly not as turned around as this woman who was born with backwards feet. Wang Fang is her name, because OF COURSE SHE IS CHINESE. Like, do My People REALLY need any more animosity and weirdness right now?? Good Lord. It’s kooky enough that Chinese people read from left to right, but this back-to-front nonsense is just taking things TOO FAR.

Wang Fang comes from….not even kidding….Chongqing China. English speakers would pronounce this “Chong Ching.” As in, the thing kids used to say to taunt my brother and me in elementary school as they pulled their stupid eyes back.

So Wang Fang from Chongqing China is born with these freaky backwards feet. She’s offered a disability pension but refuses it, because she doesn’t consider herself disabled. She works as a waitress and claims that she can run faster than anyone she knows. The only way she considers herself different is that she wears her shoes backwards. How do you like that?

That, my friends, is pretty damned impressive. *I* certainly can’t run faster than everyone *I* know. I probably can’t even run faster than MOST of the people I know. Perhaps the only people that Wang Fang knows are very slow runners. Or maybe she really CAN run that fast. The only problem is that she never wins the race because she always runs in the wrong direction.

Damn, can you even imagine trying to tie your sneakers with your feet put on backwards? That would require a great deal of flexibility. I researched Backwards Feet People and really couldn’t find any information. Countries like Turkey, India, and Brazil have lots of stories about ghosts with backwards feet.

But I couldn’t find stories about other people with this disorder. I suspect that it is a severe manifestation of Club Foot, a condition that causes the feet to turn inward and downward. If you look at Wang Fang’s weet feet, you’ll see that her toenails are on the bottom, so she’s actually walking on the tops of her feet. This makes pedicures exceptionally complicated.

While researching this backwards feet phenomenon, I found this 2 minute video of a man who can turn his feet backward and walk. He explains how his body allows him to do this and holds a Guinness World Record for "Fastest Time to Walk 20 Meters with Feet Facing Backwards." How many people do you suppose were in the running (GET IT??) for this record? It made my knees feel super weird to watch this video. Check it out.

It must be challenging to walk when your feet can just flop around any old way they want to. I think I’d be moonwalking as much as possible with those backwards feet.

Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Fang tonight!
Thank you for reading, my friends!