Wash Your Hands Like a Boss

 

Since getting my second COVID vaccine almost three weeks ago, I’ve been excited to start taking care of things I’ve been putting off: teeth cleaning, mammogram, and haircut. OK, perhaps “excited” is an inaccurate description of my feelings. I’ve been learning from Dr. Susan David, who was recently interviewed by Brene Brown. She’s got this lovely South African accent, so her “T’s” are super duper crisp and her short “A’s” sound like “eh.” Excited definitely does not eh-ccur-eh-tely describe my feelings. But, hey, I’m getting it done.

This past week I had two appointments which began with a greeting and a squirt of hand sanitizer. When I visit my orthodontist, I am also asked very politely to wash my hands before sitting down and before leaving. I appreciate this! I could see this eliciting some feelings of resentment in some circumstances, but everyone has been super polite about it, and I totally respect a request to wash hands when entering someone else’s space. They have no idea where my hands have just come from.

One of the best bits of advice was given to me by my kids’ pediatrician shortly after we moved to Oregon in 2004. It is so interesting that this same simple advice became so popular once again more than fifteen years later. “Wash your hands often and keep your hands away from your face.” So revolutionary and ahead of his time, right?

But better than that, he was specific. “Wash your hands every time you come back into your house.” Ok, as health care professionals, we had already been doing that for years. But here’s the brilliant addition: “Keep a bottle of sanitizer in your car and use a squirt every time you get back into your car.” Those were easy steps that even 4-, 5-, and 6-year-olds could follow. It could be my imagination or coincidental timing, but we all got sick a whole lot less frequently after adopting this as a family habit.

When my kids were in high school, I used to drive some of their friends to rowing practice after school, so a whole bunch of kids would stream into my house after getting off the bus to change and have a snack before piling into my Suburban to head to practice. My kids headed right to the sink to wash hands, and I asked all the other kids to do the same. After a few reminders, all of their friends were great about remembering to wash before rummaging for snacks and taking over my kitchen. I always appreciated that they didn’t make a big fuss about it.

Kids are often much more cooperative than old people. When Alex was first born, the nurses instructed us to wash our hands before handling the baby and to ask others to do the same. His little immune system was not ready for the big time yet, so this was super important especially for the first month. “You’re the mom now, so don’t be afraid to ask people to do this.”

So when my parents brought my grandma to visit my new baby, I bravely asked her to wash her hands before holding Alex. She got so mad. She told us that her hands were not dirty. Why would we think her hands were dirty? She held lots of babies without washing her hands ahead of time. There was so much arguing.

Finally, my dad convinced her by saying that the doctor said everyone should wash hands. There was a lot of huffing and frowning, but whatever. Once she got her washed hands on my little baby, she noticed that Alex had a bump on his head. You see, the day Alex was born, I didn’t know how to push out a baby, and the doctor had to suck his squishy head out of me, leaving a bump on his little noggin. Grandma started to take off her slipper to rub onto his head.

According to Grandma, it’s important to get rid of a bump on a baby’s head by massaging it with a rubber-soled shoe. OK, I ate pig feet stew and fish head soup to make my milk come in, but I’m DRAWING A LINE at rubbing shoes on my newborn baby’s head.

This is the same grandma who was so dismayed that I brought a Mexican friend to our house. She later told us that she only begrudgingly shook his hand and that she left to wash her hands right afterward. Why so racist, Grandma?? Her name was Ka Nauk, but everyone called her Karen.

No, just kidding. Nobody ever called her Karen……to her face. (Honestly, for reals, nobody ever called her Karen.)

When learning how to wash our hands more frequently and regularly, Dr. Rosenbloom also recommended that we wash hands after using the bathroom. OBVI. But I understand why he mentioned it. Surprisingly this isn’t as common a practice as you might think.

When Albert and I were newly married, an insurance evaluator came to our house for a health insurance interview. Is this still a thing? Where people come to your house or office to weigh you and test your pee and ask you questions? This fellow was waiting outside our house just as we arrived home from running errands.

Albert: "I just want to wash my hands before I sit down."

He: "OK."

Albert: "I pumped gas before we got here, so I just really feel like I need to do this before we get started."

He: "Yeah, I guess I should probably wash my hands more often. I wash before I eat. *thinking* I probably wash my hands twice a day."

After the interview, we all shook hands. I don’t know about you, but I hope hand-shaking never comes back into style. As soon as we saw this fellow out the door, Albert and I immediately headed to the sink to scrub our hands. But we weren’t being racist, I promise. Albert also cleaned the kitchen table where we sat for the interview. TWICE A DAY this guy washes his hands?? And at least one of those times is BEFORE HE EATS? We DEFINITELY had some of his poop and wiener molecules in our house now and probably some boogers and who knows what else??

Wash your hands. Keep agile with your feelings.
And don’t be a racist.

Thank you for reading!