A Case of Mistaken Identity

 

Green Acres is the place to be.
Farm livin’ is the life for me.
Land spreadin’ out so far and wide.
Keep Manhattan, just gimme that countryside.

Green Acres was a TV show that ran from 1965 through 1971. My brother and I must have watched syndicated reruns, because I’m pretty sure that we weren’t watching this show when we were 2- and 4-years old. It was a sitcom starring Eddie Albert and Eva Gabor. Eddie Albert played a successful New York attorney who moves to this shack in the country with his Hungarian wife. Albert embraces farm life, while his wife clings to city life, strolling the land in evening gowns, feather boas, and full make-up. They have a very smart pig named Arnold who is like a son to them. Very silly with lots of classic canned laughter.

Eva Gabor was famous for being an actor, but also famous for being a sister to Zsa Zsa Gabor. Eva was the put-together sister, while Zsa Zsa was a hot mess, married nine times, divorced seven times, and served three days in jail for driving without a license with an open bottle of alcohol in her Rolls Royce and slapping the police officer who pulled her over. Damn, that must be hard to be so different from you sister in everything except looks.

These are the thoughts that ran through my head this past week after my Barre class. Barre workouts are inspired by ballet, yoga, and Pilates. They are kind of mellow but I like them a lot because my butt always hurts the next day, and that is confirmation that I spent my time and money well.

Barre classes are usually done in low light, and the ballet barres line the wall, so everyone mostly faces away from each other. I rarely pay much attention to who’s in class with me unless I spot a friend. So I was surprised when a woman approached me right after class with an odd question.

She: “Are you Zsa Zsa?”

What I wanted to say: “Do I LOOK like a drunken police-slapper??”

What I actually said (with a smile, I might add): “No, I’m Lisa.”

She: “Oh, really? Because you look EXACTLY like a lady I know. I could swear it was you! Same smile and everything!”

OK, whenever anyone tells me that I look like someone else, I immediately wonder what this other person looks like. Does she look like Winnie from The Wonder Years?? A lot of people used to tell me that I look like Winnie Cooper, and that used to make me really grouchy, because I think that I am VERY MUCH more beautiful than she is.

Actually, as I searched for pictures of Danica McKellar, she’s actually very pretty, so maybe I can finally let go of this lingering anger. But being mistaken for or compared to another person really does make me wonder at how I’m perceived by other people. I was curious about this woman named Zsa Zsa. I had a friendly parting with the woman who approached me.

She: “Sorry, I just thought you were someone else.”

Me: “It’s fine.”

She: “I’m Tara, by the way.”

Me: “Nice to meet you!”

I enjoyed a shower in the locker room and was at the mirrors finishing up when Tara approached me again on her way out.

She: “I just have to tell you that I thought you were my ex-husband’s girlfriend.”

Oh, shit. This was a new one for me, but I have been married for almost 30 years and I HAVE SEEN FATAL ATTRACTION, and I am not comfortable in the girlfriend role AT ALL.

I must have looked alarmed, because Tara became very reassuring.

Me: “Oh, no!”

She: “Oh, it’s OK! You’re just so pretty and you have such a great energy, and you really look JUST like her. I was, like, what the hell, I’m just going to go up and introduce myself.”

Me: “Oh, wow, that’s SO BRAVE! You’ve never met her?”

She: “No, but she seems like a really lovely person. My kids love her.”

Me: “Holy smokes. That must have taken SO MUCH courage. I don’t know whether I would have had the nerve to do that!”

She: “It’s OK. I just wanted to tell you that.”

Me: “Thanks for telling me. Well, maybe if you ever DO see her, this will have been good practice and you won’t feel so nervous to say hello.”

Tara went on her way, and I finished up with my hair. And not even joking, the music playing in the locker room was a song called “Instagram” by Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike. It goes like this:

Who the hell do you think I am?
I don’t give a f*ck about your Instagram.
Listen up, ‘cause I’m not that girl.
Ain’t enough liquor in the whole wide world.

When you wonder about how others perceive you, just remember that you’re so pretty and you have great energy. And I love you, my friends! Thank you for reading!