Slight Change of Plans

The whole world seems to have gone bananas. This virus is serious, you guys. We all need to do our parts to keep each other safe. Try considering this as a beautiful excuse to slow down and stay home! Maybe I’m looking on the bright side of discovering just how super boring and insignificant I am. I didn’t have any vacation plans that needed cancelling. I don’t have an important job that requires me to be present or even to work from home. Not that much changed in my life except that I am missing my fitness classes at the gym. That actually could get dangerous with time. When I got cranky with my kids, they used to tell me, “Whoa, Mom. Maybe you need to go work out.”

So I’m taking on the responsibility of helping folks lighten the heck up. This as a VERY SERIOUS situation, but that doesn’t require anyone to be such a freaking asshat. It is frustrating to lose a chunk of personal freedom, but it is absolutely not the end of the world that you are being asked to wash your filthy hands for a change. Asians are still waiting on you to learn to take your shoes off in the house. *Aack* And staying home is not so bad. It would be far worse for you to get sick or to know that you were responsible for making someone else sick. This is a terrible disease. Do not mess around!

Last week, Albert asked me to take his dad to his hearing aid appointment at Costco. Praise the Lord, he agreed to get new hearing aids! This man can’t hear shit, and it can get puh-ritty loud and wacky trying to talk with him at times. “WHAT? YOUR NAME IS ERNIE?? I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU ARE AN ATTORNEY!”

Albert asked me to take his dad to the appointment because Albert works at the VA Medical Center and is in contact with lots of folks from all over the area. His dad is in a senior living community which is now being tightly controlled. This virus has the potential to devastate a senior community. Oh, wait. I told you I was going to lighten things up. Ready for another Costco story?

I brought my FIL to Costco for his hearing aid appointment on Thursday, March 12. Governor Kate Brown declared a state of emergency in Oregon four days earlier. That was the day that everyone ate a bunch of cocaine all at the same time and decided they needed toilet paper. People are so weird. What’s with the toilet paper? When I was young, I visited the village where my dad grew up. Ain’t no such thing as toilet paper there. We immigrant families are definitely not throwing shade, but we ARE giving you some almond-shaped side-eye.

Things had settled down a bit by Thursday, but earlier that afternoon, the Governor asked all large gatherings to be cancelled, and that riled folks up again. By the time I arrived at the appointment with my FIL, the lines at Costco were stretched halfway to the back of the store. After his appointment, my FIL asked whether we could “pick up a few things.” What did he want? Some frozen blueberries, some frozen mini wontons, and two polo shirts that were $4 off. Rather than have him stand in that long line, I offered to go back later that night and pick up his things.

When Albert and I went back later that evening, we were surprised at the carnage. We wanted to see the zero toilet paper with our own eyes. The bottled water was wiped out, too, WHICH IS SO MONDO BIZARRO! This is not Flint, Michigan, people! Kleenex—that was still available. Also baby wipes. I guess folks aren’t really as desperate as they make out to be in the butt-wiping department.

The pallets of Cuties were completely empty. But big, regular oranges were still available. We picked up some cheese and an apple pie. We know what’s important. I posted this picture of a shelf completely emptied of mini naan and hilarity ensued. “Don’t try going to Costco for bread. There is naan.”

It’s all gaan.

Better curry up and get some.

WHAT AM I SAMOSA DO NOW??!!

Curl up in a corner and chai yourself to sleep…

Okla Dhokla. Chaat seems to be my only option.

Dosa, folks!

Maybe you should curry favor with the Baker.

I could offer to tikka his masala.

If you do, you’ll be sari.

Wait. Is this still happening? We need to chaat.

OK! Hello, Dalia!

Are they using that as toilet paper??

That would make a huge masoor.

….and I don’t want Naan of that at all…

Caste your GIF’s elsewhere.

OK! GIFs, get thee be-Hindi me!!

Ghee, why didn’t I think of that one?

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” I recently learned that Ghandi didn’t actually say this. So I’ll leave you with another quote from a couple of other mystic scholars, Bill and Ted: “Be excellent to each other.” This, too, shall pass. Take good care of yourselves and the people around you.

Thank you for reading!